Church Based After School Programs: Serving Third Culture Children – Their Struggles

If you serve the children of immigrants understand that they face struggles you may never have experienced.

Mom and Dad want them to continue the culture of their “homeland.”

•  However, to fit in they MUST adopt the American culture –which can lead to cynicism towards their parents.
  • They know more than their parents.
  • One young man told me how he and his brother looked-down on their parents because they couldn’t speak English.
  • As the kids adopt this new-found culture mom and dad have difficulty understanding what is happening – they are filled with fear.
    • Fear of losing everything they know.
    • Fear of losing their children.

  “Mrs. Lisa I’m going to kill myself,” came the whispered voice over the phone.

Lisa’s whole body shook; what should she do? From Grace’s voice she knew she was serious. “Grace, I’ll be at your apartment in minutes.”

Lisa grabbed her jacket and ran out of her apartment and to the other side of the complex. As she ran she thanked God that He had arranged for her and her family to move into this apartment complex.

Grace, a teenager, was standing out front of her apartment, as she saw Lisa running towards her she ran to meet her. Grace threw her arms around Lisa sobbing, “Mrs. Lisa I can’t stand it everything is going wrong. Rob broke up with me, kids are saying horrible things to me at school, and my parents don’t understand anything. They just keep saying, ‘Things don’t happen like this at home.’”

 “WE AREN’T AT HOME! This is America.”

Lisa took Grace inside and talked to her mother – her father stayed on the opposite side of the room.

Lisa drove the family to the emergency ward of the closest hospital – it was a full night ordeal.

Dad sat on the opposite side of the hospital waiting room far from Lisa, Grace and the mother. It was as though he was disowning his daughter. He could not accept that this was happening, this kind of thing didn’t happen in his country he kept insisting.

In the early morning Lisa phoned me from the hospital and told me what was happening. She was frustrated because she didn’t feel they were getting the help they needed – “Do you have any thoughts Wanda?”

It is so fun to see God at work as He opens doors. I connected her with a friend who is a psychologist and she knew a Christian psychologist of the same nationality as the family who was willing to work with them at no cost.

Through family therapy things were worked out.

• The father acknowledged he needed to look at things from his daughter’s perspective. He couldn’t continue to live in the past.
• Grace was able to see that things in the future wouldn’t be as bleak as they were today.

A few questions for you:

1. Are you available if something like this happens in your after school ministry?
2. Would you know what to do?
3. What/Who are your resources?
4. Are you aware of the struggles of third culture kids?
5. Do you know how to address those struggles?
1. Do you address them?
2. Do you talk with the kids about it – bring it out in the open?

My parents were third culture children and I heard of their struggles as I grew up. My dad couldn’t speak English when he began school – that hung over him all of his life, he brought it up often.

I believe that part of helping the kids is helping the parents to assimilate into the larger culture of America. Encourage them, and help them to find ways to move beyond their “safe haven” of other immigrants from their country of origin. 

Part of the challenge is to train both the children and parents to think this all through critically.

Church Based After School Programs: The Fight For The Invisible Children Of America

All names are changed in following stories.

Jammal was really struggling in school – in fact he was failing. 

Robert, Jammal’s “Secondary Nurturer” was to meet Jammal’s mom at the school to meet with Jammal’s teacher, the principal, and school counselor.  The discussion was to be in regard to Jammal’s being admitted into a special class for children with severe learning disabilities.  The state would fund it BUT Primary Nurturers had to request it. 

Robert was running a little late because of complications at his second job (he has to work a second job to provide for his family) kept him longer than usual.  He called the school to let them know he was on his way.  The principal came on the line and told him he might as well not come because Jammal’s mom had not shown up.  A Secondary Nurturer is trained, and soon experiences once on the field, that s/he must fight for the kids; part of which is often parenting the parents.

Robert drove to the apartment where Jammal, his mom and siblings live.  There was no answer at the door but as Robert was getting back into his car Jammal’s mom drove up.

“Where have you been?  We are suppose to be at the school.”

“OH SOMETHING ELSE CAME UP SO I JUST FIGURERED WE COULD RESCHEDULE.”  MOM REPLIED.

“No! This is too important.  Jammal deserves to be in this program. We are going to the school right now. Get in the car.” Robert challenged.

When they got to the school the principal said it would take a couple of hours to get everyone back together to meet.  Robert told him that was fine – they would wait! Robert and Jammal’s mom sat down in the reception room to wait.

FIGHTING FOR THE “INVISIBLE CHILDREN OF AMERICA” OFTEN MEANS PARENTING THE PARENTS.

It means walking through life not just with a child but with an entire family.  It means getting to know the teachers, principal, counselors so they trust you.  It means going to school events, volunteering at school, working with not against the school.

STORY TWO:

The call came late in the afternoon, “Myra, we are going to be taking the Jones children into protective custody tomorrow morning at the school.  Would you like to be there so it is a little less traumatizing for them?  You can ride with them to the foster home.”  The call had come from a social worker whom Myra had spent time getting to know.

A Secondary Nurturer becomes the constant in a child’s life.  To do that they work on building a relationship with all the social service professionals in a kid’s life. It is about team work.  This takes a lot of time and a lot of effort.  It takes perseverance.

The more that churches provide intentional, individualistic ministry to the invisible children of America the fewer children will have to go into the foster care system. By building relationships with the Primary Nurturers and walking with them through life as they parent a lot of subtle parental training just happens.  Because the Secondary Nurturer is a trusted friend, not an authority figure, the Primary Nurturer listens.

Church Based After School Programs: CENTER FORMATS

What is the format of your center?

• How many days a week are you open?
• How many hours are you open on each of those days?
• What do you do in those hours?

To have an effective Christian after school program you must know what you want the end result to be.  You must take the time to brainstorm what you want a six-year-old today to look like when he is 40.  We have our trainees consider this at the beginning of training.

Only when you know who you want a kid to be when he is 40 can you know what he will need today to become that person.

After School Program Formats    There are several samples in the PDF to help you as you think through what the kids need.

Below is a BEGINNING LIST of who I would want a kid to be at 40. If you haven’t done so already begin to work on such a list for yourself.

Spiritual

Is a fully committed follower of the Triune God – Father, Son and Holy Spirit
Is rooted in the Word of God
Is known as a prayer warrior
Actively involved in a Bible teaching church
Has a Biblical worldview
Fruit of the Spirit evidenced in his life
Is actively living out Matthew 28:19-20

Emotional

God confidence
Knows how to identify and express emotions in healthy ways
Joy and peace
Perseverance

Mental

Has critical thinking and problem-solving skills
Discernment
Still learning – inquisitive
A lover of books

Social

Healthy relationships
Solid peer group of believers
Friendships with non-believers
Known as an individual who can be trusted
Respects authority
Leadership skills
Interpersonal and communication skills
Treats those with whom he disagrees with respect without compromise
A Biblical compassion for those in need

Physical

Treats the body as the temple of God
Makes good choices to keep body healthy – knows what those choices should be
Good hygiene

After School:Church Based – Why?

(For “KidTrek: Sunday Plus” – a blog on the church’s children’s ministry – click here)

“‘Do not oppress the widow, the fatherless, the sojourner, or the poor, and let none of you devise evil against another in your heart.’ But they refused to pay attention and turned a stubborn shoulder and stopped their ears that they might not hear. “
(Zechariah 7:10-11 ESV)

WHAT IS YOUR CHURCH DOING TO REACH OUT
TO THOSE IN NEED?

Then he will answer them, saying,
‘Truly, I say to you,
as you did not do it to one of the least of these,
you did not do it to me.’
And these will go away into eternal punishment,
but the righteous into eternal life.”
(Matthew 25:45-46 ESV)

Why should the church read out to those who are in need?

BECAUSE JESUS SAID TO DO SO!

In the weeks ahead we will look at what you can do at your church to make a difference through an After School Ministry.

 

Changes

By Wanda

We are making some changes!

Trying to write about After School Programs, which is outreach oriented, and Children’s Ministry, which is geared to church raised kids, at the same time wasn’t working.

Thus we have split the two.

KidTrek: Sunday Plus is a new blog http://www.kidtrek-sundayplus.org/ which will focus on ministry to children raised in the church.  We are still developing it so expect some glitches over the next few weeks.

KidTrek – After School Programs is this Blog beginning today. The URL has been changed too https://kidtrekasp.wordpress.com/ This Blog will now focus on outreach through the children’s ministry. That is actually where we began.

I’ll be interested in hearing what you think of these changes.

My passion is seeing kids discipled to walk with Jesus. I believe that the church is challenged to not only disciple their own children but to also reach out into the community and disciple kids who do not receive this nurturing at home.

Child Discipleship: A Scripture Memorization Ministry Plan

(I am now writing in regard to Children’s Ministry at www.kidtrek-sundayplus.org  I will continue writing in regard to Christian After School Programs here at www.kidtrekasp.wordpress.com)

Hugo approached the director’s office asking, “May I quote a memory verse to you?”

“Sure,” Vonnie responded, with a thrill in her voice.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. James 1:2”

Hugo proudly continued . . .

“It’s a good thing I memorized that verse. A kid was calling me names today and getting in my face. I kept saying this verse to myself and kept my arms at my sides . . .

“ . . . Miss Vonnie, I was steadfast.”

What a difference when kids apply the Word of God into their everyday lives.

But if Hugo hadn’t memorized that verse the week before he wouldn’t have had it on his heart when he needed it.

Scripture memorization is a vital part of discipling children whole-istically. Sunday Plus Curriculum encourages churches to set up a Scripture Memorization Ministry which eventually engages the entire church (or almost entire church).

FORMAT:

Children will have one verse a month to memorize.  The verse will relate to the concept they are learning on Sunday morning.

Why only one verse a month?

• Children have a tendency to memorize a verse on the way to church Sunday morning and forget it on the way home. Working on a verse for a whole month, saying it weekly to the Memory Verse Specialists and then continuing to say it in the months to come it won’t be easily forgotten.
• Kids are taught the meaning of the verse in the Midweek Celebration.
• The current month’s verse may be recited to the Memory Verse Specialists between services.

Children earn Bucks for memorizing the verses.

• The Store is open once a month.
  (We teach a Biblical Worldview to stewardship; giving Bucks is much more than just a reward  https://kidtrekasp.wordpress.com/2010/08/22/child-discipleship-using-bucksbanking-in-discipleship/)

• Children will receive additional Bucks as they retain verses and recite each of the previous month’s verses.
  • Children say past months’ verses at home to their parents.
  • The parents sign a voucher which the child turns in on Sunday morning to the Memory Verse Specialists.
• The Memory Verse Specialist gives the child the allotted number of Bucks when the child quotes that month’s verse between services.
• Vouchers can be picked up at the Memory Verse tables each Sunday.
  • They could also be passed out in The Shema Focus.
  • Children may say their verses and turn in the vouchers every week.

If a parent or other adult (must always be the same adult) accompany the child to the Memory Verse Specialist and can quote that month’s verse, the child receives extra KidTrek Bucks.

• Adults may quote the verse in the translation in which they learned it.
• An adult can quote the verse for only one child.
  • If there are four children in a family the father can quote for one child and the mother for a second child.
  • Children three and four will need to recruit other adults in the church to be their scripture memorization partners.
    • This again engages more of the church body in the discipleship of children.
    • Children are connecting with more adults in the church.

4 year olds through 2^nd graders may memorize an abbreviated verse.

• A “slash” is placed in the verse to indicate the portion they are to memorize.
• Encourage them to memorize the entire verse if they are able.

• Parents should also make adjustments for children with learning disabilities.

AWARDS:

• A child receives 5 Bucks for each verse quoted.
• A child receives 5 Bucks for an adult who quotes the present month’s verse.
• A child receives 5 Bucks for each past verse s/he quotes to parents and returns the voucher.
• When two verses are given for a month and the child learns both verses, s/he receives 5 Bucks for each verse

Parental Voucher

If you would like a “Sample Voucher”  http://www.kidtrek-sundayplus.org/curriculum/  Then scroll down to the Scripture Memorization Plan pdf

Child Discipleship: Gathering Games

By Wanda Parker

(I am now blogging about Children’s Ministry at http://www.kidtrek-sundayplus.org  I will continue to Blog about After School Ministries at this site.)

What do you do when the kids first arrive? Here are a few games to get kids involved as soon as they enter.

• Always think of that kid who has never been to church – thus an activity that everyone is engaged in, he doesn’t have to make a choice when he is feeling insecure.
• An activity into which kids can engage as they come in one at a time.
• Nothing Biblical – again for that kid that has never been to church before. How embarrassing when everyone but you knows what the answers are, or you have no idea what the adult is talking about. There will be plenty of time to share Christ once the child is comfortable.
• Always have an adult at the door to greet kids and guide them into the game while a second adult is with the kids guiding the game.

Hidden Surprise

Materials :      lots of masking tape, pill bottle, Bucks, flat box, dice

Object:            To be the one to unwrap the pill box with the Bucks inside.

• Have the kids sit with you on the floor in a circle.
  • If there is more than one Trek Team per age group have all teams sit in one large circle.
  • Disciplers play too – except for the one greeting at the door.
• You may want to have more than one pill box wrapped so the game can be played more than once.
• Take an empty pill bottle and place any amount of Bucks in it.
• Wrap it up with layers of newspaper and duct tape, electrical tape or any other kind of tape.
  • You can even layer it with different types and make a huge tape ball.
• Take a set of dice and place them in a flat box.
• If the person rolls a double, they start working on getting the tape ball apart, while the other kids pass the dice attempting to be the next one to get a double.
• They continue unwrapping until the next person rolls a double.
• Keep going until someone wins the Bucks.

Play again if time allows and you have a pill bottle prepared

BALLOON BAT

 

Materials: Several balloons of different colors

Object of game is to keep your balloon in the air longer than the opposing team.

• Children sit in a circle.
• Number kids off 1,2,1,2 around the circle.
• Give a number 1 player a blown up blue balloon and a number 2 player a blown up red balloon.
• When the adult says “GO” the balloons are batted to another player.
• Players can only hit their own balloon.
• If a player hits the wrong balloon he is out of the game.
  • The winning team is the team that can keep their balloon up in the air the longest.
  • This is a fun game to play over and over – expect craziness.
  • Have the kids take some deep breaths and sit without speaking for 30 seconds before going into Reality Check.

Musical Spoons

Materials :  plastic spoons

• Kids sit in a circle.
• Using a permanent marker place a spot on one of the spoons where it is not readily noticeable.
• One less spoon than players are placed in the center of the circle.
  • Make sure the spoon with the dot is in the pile from the first round.
• All players are given 3 Bucks.
• Music is played or leader claps.
• When the sound stops everyone tries to get a spoon.
• The player to not get a spoon must give the leader a Buck.
• Every fifth round the person who gets the spoon with the black dot gets all the Bucks the leader is holding.

COTTON BALL CRAZINESS

Materials: cotton balls, masking tape

Object: to be the team with the least amount of cotton balls on their side of the circle.

• Kids sit in a circle.
• Cut the circle in half so half the kids are on one team and the other half are on a second team.
• Put a strip across the center of the circle so there is no question which side the cotton balls fall.
• Every kid starts off with 5 cotton balls.
• When the adult says “GO” everyone begins throwing their cotton balls to the opposite side of the circle.
• They keep throwing until the adult says, “STOP.”
• The team with the least amount of cotton balls on their side is the winner.
• Play it several times – the best of 3 or 5.
• When finished have the kids take deep breaths to relax before moving into the remainder of the morning.

Every Sunday Plus lesson has a Gathering Game suggestion.

Child Discipleship – A Parent’s Challenge Is To Model Faithfulness

By Wanda Parker

GOD’S PURPOSE – WILL BE DONE!

If you walk with God He has a purpose for your life. He can open and close any door that is needed to bring you to the place where He wants you to be.

Are you walking fully with Jesus? Are you ready to walk through the doors He opens? Are you ready to accept the doors He closes? Do your children see you accepting God’s purpose for your life? Do you accept where God has you – even if you’d rather be somewhere else? Do you believe that God is sovereign and that He can put you where is best for you?

Do your kids see you modeling a walk with a sovereign God, do they see you trusting Him no matter where He takes you?

The following was first written and sent to friends the day after what I called “A Most Amazing Day.” Life had been VERY difficult and I had been struggling if I should continue in ministry. Everything my husband and I tried slammed shut in our faces. We thought we were about to lose everything. I could hear the mockers in the background, “The Parkers are so foolish.”

Our children were already adults; however I knew we were still modeling.

If you remember my sharing that we received a call two weeks ago from the White House.  Yes it was THE WHITE HOUSE.  It was an invitation to attend a conference on Faith Based Initiatives at the Los Angeles Convention Center.

In speaking to the young man who had called with the invitation I had asked him how he had gotten KidTrek’s name.  He said he wasn’t sure but that someone from the White House staff had laid a note on his desk that said, “Contact this ministry.  It is an incredible ministry that should be at the conference.”

My husband, Joe, and I hemmed and hawed about whether we should take a day to go to a conference from which we believed we could benefit little.  KidTrek does not benefit from Faith Based monies because we flow spiritual truths through every aspect of the ministry.  In fact when I shared KidTrek with the young man at the White House he agreed that we probably wouldn’t be able to receive monies.

The White House caller also told me, “I heard my boss, Jim Touhy (Director of White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives), just last week tell a group to not compromise their faith just to take money.”  This young man urged me in the same way.

After pondering and praying we decided we should go anyway.  We e-mailed our reservations and soon after began receiving daily e-mails (sometimes two a day) about security procedures for the day.

We arrived yesterday morning and soon realized our name tags were a different color from the majority of people.  When the doors were opened and we found a table to sit at in the back of the room someone came up to us and asked, “Why are you sitting back here, you have yellow name tags, you get to sit in the VIP section.”  Joe and I looked at each other in wonderment; we got up and went to the “VIP section” in the front of the auditorium.

Sitting at a table I asked the others sitting there, “Were you called by the White House?” “No” was the answer from everyone. I wondered, why was I called, how did they get KidTrek’s name?

The young woman who introduced the day to us also shared that not only would her boss Jim Touhy be joining us in the afternoon but also the President of the United States.

After the morning sessions we were to pick up a box lunch and go back into the auditorium.  By the time Joe and I got into the auditorium almost all the seats in the “VIP section” were taken.  We were about ready to go to the back section when Joe noticed a table in the front corner that maybe had a couple of places.  He walked over and those already seated moved closer and made room for us.  As I sat down and looked at the name tags I realized we were sitting at a table of White House staff.

The next thing I knew the morning’s presenter sat down next to me and engaged me in a conversation.

Then “Hail to the Chief” blared and the words, “Welcome the President of the United States.”

Response to his entry was amazing.  It was such a mixed group of people, but everyone rose to their feet and cheered.  His words were powerful.  Mainly he was one human, sharing his own failings, his own hopes with a group of other humans full of failings and hopes.  He challenged us to not give up on the visions that God has given us.

At the end we realized we were in the section that was allowed to go and speak to the President. I hung back, the gentleman next to me said, “Don’t you want to speak to the President?” I smiled and said, “No, this day isn’t about him. My Heavenly Father is showing me He can open any door He wants.”

I wiped away tears, my feeling of overwhelmedness was not over standing in the presence of the President of the United States, it was my awe of how the Sovereign God of the Universe had opened doors to bring me into the presence of the most powerful human in the world. God had opened doors so that I had permission to approach the President and speak with him.

The last speaker was Jim Touhy.  In his earlier life He had served with Mother Teresa and he quoted her,

“I am not called to success,
I am called to faithfulness.”

For me, that is what yesterday was all about.

As I stood there with the tears running down my face I knew beyond a doubt that God was in control. If we did lose everything God had a purpose and a plan in it. My task was to submit to God almighty and accept what was best for me – not what I wanted.

When you walk with God He opens and closes the doors that will bring you to the best place possible for you.

Your children are watching how you handle the opening and closing of those doors.

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[1] Parenting Tips are written by Wanda Parker, Founder/Director of KidTrek, from her experience as a Children’s/Family Pastor, but more importantly from raising three children who today have their own families all of whom walk with the Lord.

Child Discipleship – What About Santa Claus?

By Wanda Parker

Honesty within your family begins with you.

Do you tell your child that she is the greatest soccer player in the world when you both know she isn’t? What will your child think, or at least wonder about, when she deserves a compliment that you give?

Does Aunt Mildred call and you tell your child to tell Aunt Mildred that you aren’t home? What have you now given him permission to lie about to you?

Do you hear your child bragging about something that he has done when you know that is a lie? Do you later talk to him about what was said? Or do you pass it off that he needs to be able to feel good about something – maybe because that is what you do yourself? What is the consequence going to be when the truth comes out?

What is important to you?

• That your kids win the soccer game or that they play fairly.
• That your kids get all A’s or that they study hard and do their best – regardless of the outcome?
• That your kids are popular or that they are known for having an upstanding character?

What is your family tradition in regard to Santa Claus?

A young mother revealed to her 10 year old daughter that Santa Claus was all pretend. The child looked at her mother in shock and asked, “Now are you going to tell me that Jesus is pretend?”

Her mother assured her that Jesus was real – but could there be a doubt that persists in the child’s mind?

There is a strong emotional attachment to Santa Claus for children who believe that he is leaving them their gifts – not unlike feelings towards Jesus. Imagine what goes through their minds when they learn the truth of Santa Claus. If you have been lying to them about Santa Claus what else have you been lying about?

Santa Claus is a fun tradition; it’s okay to have fun, to “pretend” about Santa Claus, the fictitious character based on the historical St. Nicholas, but be clear with your kids about him from the beginning. Always distinguish truth (Jesus) from pretend (Santa Claus). Kids can enjoy Santa Claus and all that goes with him even though they know that he no longer lives. Tell your kids the history of St Nicholas. Explain that Santa Claus is a way we remember St. Nicholas and the good things he did in serving the poor. He did those things because of his love for Jesus. Search for St Nicholas on the internet to discover the history of this generous man who lived in the fourth century.

What should you do in regard to the tradition of Santa Claus? Ask the Lord what His will is for your family in regard to this tradition.

For more on Child Dsicipleship check out my new Blog KidTrek: Sunday Plus

Child Discipleship – Why It Takes A Church To Raise A Child

(I am now Blogging on Children’s Ministry issues at http://www.kidtrek-sundayplus.org. If you are interested in the topic below you may be interested in reading one step we use to make this happen DISCIPLERS AND SPECIALISTS)

IT TAKES A CHURCH TO RAISE A CHILD

Years ago I was told of study where they took adult siblings who had grown up in Christian homes and one had walked away from the Lord while the other continued to walk with the Lord.  The question they were asking was “Why?”

I think that when they began they thought they would learn that it was something that happened within the home.

BUT!  What they learned was that the sibling who walked away from the Lord had never felt connected to the local church growing up.

The sibling who continued to walk with the Lord into adulthood had close connections with adults within the local body of Christ other than mom and dad. She had experienced child discipleship.

In other words he was discipled by members of the church other than mom and dad.  He felt he was ESSENTIAL TO THE CHURCH because of these intentional relationships.

Discipled means involvement with the kid in and out of church. It means commitment and intentionality on the parts of adults.

Why is this connection to the local church as a child so important?

Statistics today show that we are losing 70% of our church raised kids. That means your child(ren) is at risk of walking away from the Lord.

Kids need to hear the gospel message from you, but also from other adults with whom they have a trusting relationship. Each time they hear the truth from someone else with whom they have a relationship it builds a lasting credibility. By the time kids are in their teens it is already too late.

A medical student told her mother, “It would be easy to accept what I am being taught, though it is against Biblical teaching. But then I stop and realize that everyone I respect believes the Bible, not what is being taught at the University.”  Today she has her own family and not only disciples her own children, but pours herself into the lives of others’ children.

This is the challenge – if you want your children to be discipled by others then you must be willing to disciple someone else’s child.

You have the opportunity to add yourself to the team at your church, be determined that not one child within your church is going to slip through the cracks.

 

IT TAKES A CHURCH TO RAISE A CHILD TO WALK WITH GOD INTO ADULTHOOD.

KidTrek’s Sunday Plus Children’s Ministry Curriculum is aimed at getting the whole church involved in the Discipleship of Children. Explanation of Curriculum via the Curriculum Guide here

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[2] Essential Church?, Thom S. Rainer and Sam S. Rainer III, B&H Publishing Group, page 3